Forgive Yourself

When I was in Seminary, my teacher, Brother Angel, told a story about his seminary teacher. He told about how his teacher one day had them all draw a picture of someone they didn't like. Someone that hurt them, made fun of them, or was weird. Then he had everyone bring the piece of paper up and hang it up on the wall, one at a time, and they threw darts at the drawn people. At the end of the lesson the teacher withdrew all the pictures to show a picture of Christ at the bottom. The teacher then said something along these lines, "Christ can and will forgive all these people for the wrongs they have done. The question is can you forgive them?"
The whole time my teacher told this story, I thought to myself, who would I put up there. I thought about a kid that punched me in the stomach in seventh grade. Had I forgiven him? Nope, I hadn't. When the end of the story came, I thought, I'd better do that! Now forgiveness of others is simple. Forgetting is hard, but forgiving is easy. Why is it so easy? As one of my best friends said, "Maybe it's easy to forgive them because it's easier to see them as Christ sees them." Easier than what, you might ask? It's easier to see them as Christ sees them than it is to see you as Christ sees you.

Forgive Yourself


Why is that sometimes the hardest to do? I have no idea why. I mean, I've done some stupid stuff in my life. Sometimes when I think back on my life, I wish I could go back to those moments when I was the most stupid, and knowing what I know now, change my decision. Some of those times happened when I was a teenager, others happened on my mission, and a couple have happened after my mission.
One's self, in my opinion, is the hardest person to forgive. I don't know why. Maybe it's the guilt of knowing that Christ went through so much pain for me, it's just so hard to want to participate in the Atonement for yourself. I think that may be the problem for me at least. I like doing things on my own. Knowing that I got through something on my own. Christ went through the Atonement for me, I know that, but am I willing to submit all my sins, all my problems, all my regrets to him? He suffered for them already, why bear them myself? He is the one who will lighten my load when I come to the Judgement Seat. Only through him can I come to live with my Father in Heaven forever. Only through him can I live with the people that have changed my life the most in this life for forever. Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world! Jesus Christ atoned for my sins.

Why don't I remember that? I do! Why do I still have regrets, when I know he's born my sorrow and my grief? I think it is because I still mess up, and the devil wants me to think that I am not good enough now, nor will I ever be good enough to live with my perfect Heavenly Father and Brother forever. I've got some news for the Father of Sin and Pain. I will live with my Father once more. I will! I have a Savior that is rooting for me, helping me along every step. He truly carries me through the roughest times. I just need to learn that when he's carrying me, I don't have to feel bad about it for very long. He's already forgiven me! I need to feel the correct and resulting pain, but it will pass, and because of him I can be happy in this life. Only through him can I be happy in the next life.
One of my favorite scripture mastery scriptures is Doctrine & Covenants 64 9-11

"Wherefore I say unto you, that you ought to forgive one another for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord, for there remaineth in him the greater sin.
"I, the Lord, will forgive who I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men;
"And ye ought to say in your hearts, let God judge me and thee and reward thee according to thy deeds."

I stand in the same condemnation if I don't forgive myself. If I don't forgive myself, it's like me telling Christ that I don't want his Atonement, just like if I didn't forgive someone else, I would be telling them that I don't believe the Atonement works for them, which I don't believe at all. I want to use the Atonement. I have felt the cleansing power of the Atonement in my life. I know what it means to go through fire, to be cleansed by fire. The Atonement has worked in my life in many ways, and I can only hope that I can continue to use it, as I have learned previously. Forgiving myself will be a little easier today, thank you Jesus Christ!