"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame" - Benjamin Franklin
The last three weeks I have not had very good Saturdays. Cam claims that it takes two to make an argument, and that may be true, but I think it takes one irrational man (or woman) to create more conflicts and drama. First of all usually only one of the people that end up angry and arguing, started it. It may have been a misunderstanding, someone may have gotten hurt, someone's expectations may not have been met, or whatever it is that lead one person to get angry. This is where I think the little quote I read from Benjamin Franklin really comes into play.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame
I definitely can see that this is true. The last three weeks I get annoyed or angry or whatever pretty easily. I then take it out on my wife. I don't know why I am okay with being mad at my wife and hurting her emotionally when I am doing it. It makes sense to me while I am mad, but then after a little bit I think, why am I hurting her? I can't answer that 100 times out of 100. I then "shame" myself and that puts me into an even worse mood. Anger is something I try to justify. I think it should be something I eliminate, but I am human... not dancer... and I try to be my best.
I know I fall short a lot, and I know that is okay, but when I fall short I shouldn't be grabbing for my wife to pull her down with me. I should be asking for help up when that happens. Anger is not a great emotion to have, especially when it leads to hurting someone, physically or emotionally.
I think what has led me to be mad lately is how much stress I feel. I don't really know why I am feeling so much stress. I feel very supported by my wife in the decisions we have been making. I feel like I am in the right place right now as far as jobs go. And though I am not completely and utterly loving my Master's program currently, I feel I am supposed to be going through that as well. I am just super stressed. So here is my plan, I am going to meditate 15-30 minutes a day. I'll see if that helps. I should also probably go talk to a counselor and get advice and help with my anger management and stress stuff. So here it goes.
