4-Hour Body

I have been gaining weight for the past two years again. I have decided to do the 4-hour body diet again because I saw great results last time. Here are my before pictures.

I am the heaviest I have ever been, but I'm not too worried about it, I hope I can get better, healthy habits. 

Contention is of the devil

Man, it has been forever since I last wrote anything in this blog. I've been married for three years, I have an adorable little boy, and I absolutely love life.
A lot of things have been coming up in the world as well, and I usually have a very different opinion from some of my friends about most issues. I am a very conservative person in my opinions. I don't think this is because of a lack of understanding or because I am not well educated or because I don't research things, but rather because I have an initial thought of what my opinion is, then think how I was raised, research about what a lot of my less conservative friends say on Facebook, respect it, but still have different instincts, I think. I don't usually post any remarks about any sensitive subjects for three reasons. First because it is probably too different from everyone else's at first instinct. Then I go research for probably an hour before coming up with the conclusion that I usually had as my first instinct.
Second, I believe

Contention is of the devil. 

I think contention is different than discussion. With the sensitive subjects, where every single human being has a slightly differing view,  comments seem to turn to contention rather than wholesome thought provoking discussion. You may disagree, but I'm the writer of this post and therefore, my word is law for this blog :) Also, I don't think discussion can happen well in the comment section of blogs or articles. That's just entertainment... I mean contention, usually... And yes I think that I am semi-obsessed with reading how everyone is right in their own way while reading comments, but I digress...
The third reason I don't post on other's walls or in comment sections about sensitive subjects, is because I have an opinion. I know it is an opinion. I don't think anyone else thinks like me, every individual thinks very differently. I know this. You know this. I think my opinion matters. If you have ever talked to me, you know I am opinionated, and I think I am right most of the time. If you have not talked to me recently or if we're just friends of friends on Facebook or I added you because we went to high school together ot whatever and we don't have a current relationship you may not know or not remember that about me. Or you do know that about me... Whatever.
And you know what? If we don't have a current relationship, I don't think you are entitled to know what my opinions are. I am just someone who you used to know, probably. I will tell those I love my opinions, I will probably tell them your opinions, too. But my opinion is what makes me unique. I won't post that somewhere where some "stranger" will tell me I'm wrong, and if they do, they are entitled to their opinion too. I only wish that people would share their opinion when it is appropriate and still respect mine.
So here is one of my opinions... I don't expect many to read this, if anything because I think back when I wrote in this consistently only like 5 people read it anyways. If more do, then woo hoo! My opinion is that the world is going down the toilet. I have a firm belief in Jesus Christ. I believe he lived and died for everyone, everywhere. I believe he lived and died for me. I believe he lived and died for my wife. I believe he lived and died for my son and any children I may have in the future. Jesus Christ was and is our ultimate example of how to love and be filled charity and all other fruits of the spirit.
A lot of people seem to be saying he hates the sin, but loves the sinner. This is very true. I think if he were on the earth now, he'd be working his hardest to perform the same work he performed in his life. Bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man was his goal on earth. His works on earth were a mean to bring as many to him and, therefore, back to Heavenly Father, as possible.
There is just one problem with this... We all fall short. I know I do. I am not as loving a husband and father as I sometimes should be. I am sometimes lazier than I should be. I am quick to anger sometimes. I have thoughts of a natural man, often. "No unclean thing can live with God." I am unclean. I repent and am clean again briefly, but soon I am unclean again. I may or may not end up in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom (what I believe to be the best place I can end up). That is just the way it is.
Yes, I am currently working toward that, but who knows, maybe in the future I will not believe that anymore. That's okay. I think the thing I will always want in this life is constant progression. If I'm doing that, I'm happy. And you know what? I am happy!
Currently, my personal beliefs are that more people need to repent and progress better, but who am I to judge if they are or aren't? Yes, the Lord will not be saving everyone, there will be those that choose not to rely on him and be saved. That's okay because that is his plan, but currently, and hopefully forever, I will continue to rely on him and be "saved" because his atonement provides mercy and overcomes the justice that needs to be paid.

"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame" - Benjamin Franklin

The last three weeks I have not had very good Saturdays. Cam claims that it takes two to make an argument, and that may be true, but I think it takes one irrational man (or woman) to create more conflicts and drama. First of all usually only one of the people that end up angry and arguing, started it. It may have been a misunderstanding, someone may have gotten hurt, someone's expectations may not have been met, or whatever it is that lead one person to get angry. This is where I think the little quote I read from Benjamin Franklin really comes into play.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame

I definitely can see that this is true. The last three weeks I get annoyed or angry or whatever pretty easily. I then take it out on my wife. I don't know why I am okay with being mad at my wife and hurting her emotionally when I am doing it. It makes sense to me while I am mad, but then after a little bit I think, why am I hurting her? I can't answer that 100 times out of 100. I then "shame" myself and that puts me into an even worse mood.  Anger is something I try to justify. I think it should be something I eliminate, but I am human... not dancer... and I try to be my best.

I know I fall short a lot, and I know that is okay, but when I fall short I shouldn't be grabbing for my wife to pull her down with me. I should be asking for help up when that happens. Anger is not a great emotion to have, especially when it leads to hurting someone, physically or emotionally.

I think what has led me to be mad lately is how much stress I feel. I don't really know why I am feeling so much stress. I feel very supported by my wife in the decisions we have been making. I feel like I am in the right place right now as far as jobs go. And though I am not completely and utterly loving my Master's program currently, I feel I am supposed to be going through that as well. I am just super stressed. So here is my plan, I am going to meditate 15-30 minutes a day. I'll see if that helps. I should also probably go talk to a counselor and get advice and help with my anger management and stress stuff. So here it goes.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Life is made up of way too many decisions. I mean is it just me or does everyone have the thought, well what happens next, come into their mind just as much as I do. Here's what I did today. I woke up, at 9:15, and I went to go eat my cereal I get from the Cannon Center most every week. Before reaching the cupboard, I realized I promised my wonderful wife that I would finish of her instant oatmeal, the apple and cinnamon kind. I grabbed a packet, and thought, I should have two, so I reached in grabbed the next one and poured that one into my bowl as well. I then noticed that I accidentally grabbed a maple one.Whoops. Hopefully Cam wasn't planning on eating that one (she probably was).

I finished around 9:30 and remembered we did the dishes the night before, I used too much soap, got to remember to use less next time, so I unloaded the dishes. By the way this takes like maybe two minutes in our kitchen because I can reach anywhere in our kitchen within a step. With the dishes unloaded, I loaded the two or three now in the sink and went to take a shower. After showering I had like ten minutes to get to my Music 101 class. Best class ever... or at least easiest. I threw some clothes on and ran to grab my on call cell phone. While doing that I lost hold of my iPhone, and it fell to the ground... again. It broke, again.

Class was interesting, I didn't get anything out of it because I couldn't write it down on my phone. When I came home, I decided to do my last bit of homework for my one class. I found a song on Minority Report that was a classical song, and I got graded for watching Minority Report. I wanted to do this so I didn't have to think about homework any more this weekend. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my darling wife. But I'm working this weekend, so that'll probably only consist of us watching conference together. I love her, I hope everyone knows that, even if I can't spend all the time in the world with her. I know I get busy and don't spend as much quality time with her as she'd like, but she's usually patient with me. She's so amazing!

I finished that just in time to go to work. Yippee. Work today consisted of making an Excel Spreadsheet to get the times the RAs will be working during finals week. Cam went in and out and I really wanted to spend time with her, but it my goal not to be distracted while working... It's the worst when I do get distracted and it's not Cam but Facebook, and then Cam comes in and I realize that I should be spending any distracted time/break time with her. I need to think of her and her feelings a lot more often.

Cam and I ate dinner with Andrew, Ellie, and their two boys, William, and Anderson, Dallin, Colby, and Jackson. It was nice to talk to them, and just hang out with them. They are all so amazing. Both couples are so fun to watch interact. Dallin and Colby especially today. For some reason Dallin put his arm on Colby's head and they sat talking for a bit without noticing that Dallin's arm was on her head. When I pointed it out, they just laughed and told me how he does it all the time because Colby started it. Cam left early to go take a test.

I came back to work a little late. I do that probably more than I should. Timeliness should be on my list of needs to get better. I worked, no breaks until 11. Cam left in the middle, around 9:30 to go hang out at her cousin's. So when 11 rolled around, I decided to use my time well and study for the GRE, which I am taking in July, please pray for me around then, I will need all the help I can get. Cam came home, and though I was excited to see her, I kept on going with the GRE. This upset her, rightfully, and now I'm writing my blog because I SUCK at crucial conversations. I've been taught about them for four years now, and I may be the worst at it ever.

Like I said life is full of decisions, and I make some bad ones. When a conversation gets critical, I get antsy, upset, and usually angry... with myself. Cam thinks it's at her, but I love her too much that I rarely go that far. I just can't get the talking and the words and stuff out at the right time. She means too much to me though, so after I finish this, if she's still up, I'm going to try again.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Decisions are strange. In Minority Report, they talk about how decisions can always be different, they can lead us to a different destiny than we previously had. I just hope I make the right ones to always help me come closer to my Father in Heaven, my super Wife, and to the man I need to become. I'm going to be with my wife now.

Poured Out His Whole Soul

I am a horrible blog writer. I know it, you knew it before you read any of my posts, and the world will never know it. I'll never be one of those people that change the world with my blogs. I'll just try and change it in other ways. You'll just have to see how because I still don't really know. Oh and if you want to read about something other relationships, then you should probably look at a different blog...

I was reading in the Book of Mormon this evening, and I was reading of Alma, the older, and his struggles as a new leader to the church. He didn't really know what he was doing. He wanted to do the best he could, but people of the rising generation were already being idiots and wanting to break the rules. They never were baptized, plus they were a driving force in bringing church members into the bonds of sin. So Alma, the leader of the Church,

Poured out his whole soul


to the Lord. The Lord in turn told him he was blessed, and he gave him direction.

Reading this account made me think about times when I have poured out my whole soul to my Father in Heaven. Made me think of times in my life, normally the hardest times, though a few times they may have been the happiest, where all I needed to do, all I wanted to do was pour out my whole soul to my God. Once about a year ago, I had one of these moments. I was trying my best to do what the Lord wanted me to do. I was going to the temple most every week, I was magnifying my calling as the Temple Prep. teacher, I was trying to date a girl, but she was having none of it. It was so frustrating!

I remember one day standing in the Celestial room, wondering if I should even be pursuing this girl, and I got the most distinct witness that it didn't matter. Dating and marriage didn't matter. This was a shock since all I hear about at BYU sometimes is, get married, get married, get married. And sometimes all I hear from some people in my family is, get married, get married, get married. But at that time I felt and knew that I needed to wait, just one more year. One year and it would happen, that I would have no doubt about it, fears yes, doubt no. I would find a woman the Lord had prepared her whole life, to marry me. He also has prepared me my whole life to marry her.

This isn't official yet, I guess, since I haven't proposed yet, but it is as close to official as I can see it. It may be happening even sooner than I've been telling people, too... We'll let you know.

Anyways, both Cam and I have had this experience of pouring out our whole soul's to our Father in Heaven, both in happy times and sad times. When we're doing things right, and when we mess up and sin. We both have our strengths and weaknesses, but something I love about Cam is that she cares so much about other people. She cares about what they need and what they want. She communicates amazingly with me. She talks, and I love listening to her. Sometimes when she has been talking for a while, she stops and says, I've been talking to much, your turn. So I spout out somethings that start her talking again, and I get to sit there and listen to her and her beautiful voice. If I am around her, I get to stare into the most beautiful blue eyes, ever! ... I can't wait for eternity :D

Times in my life where I am pouring out my whole soul to my father have been hard, but I know there will be harder ones to come. I will be pouring out my whole soul for my children and anyone else that falls under my stewardship. Frustrating times, but happy ones are on their way as well, and I am excited for those. Pouring out my soul to my Father in Heaven has been a process during this whole courtship with Cam. There were times where I didn't know what I was doing, where I thought things were going differently than they were going, and there came a time, semi-early in the relationship, where I needed to pour out my soul to my Father, and have him take the reigns of the relationship. I just didn't know what to do, and I am so glad that I have the opportunity to receive help from my Heavenly Father. I love Him, and I love Cam!

Don't Mess It Up

This week I got to host one of my friend's brothers in my room. He got to sleep in my bed, don't worry I changed the sheets, and after I assured him that I don't mind sleeping on the floor, in fact I knew I minded less than he did because I may like sleeping on the floor. I don't really know why, I might be crazy, but I've probably done it for at least half the night for half of my life. I think it's because my bed is too hot for me, so I fall to where it is cooler, the floor. I also don't mind sleeping on couches... I may have slept on the coach half of the days I have been in college as well. I guess I just like not sleeping comfortably... I don't know. This has nothing really to do with my title... I don't think. I tried to tie it in, but all I can think of is not messing up my back while sleeping in these uncomfortable places. 

Don't Mess It Up

One of the last texts I got from one of my best friends, Stephanie, is "Don't mess it up." I bet you can't guess what she was talking about. Okay, try thinking about it, yes it is about Cam, and not messing up the relationship I have with her. I seem to mess things up a lot, but Cam has been really amazing at forgiving my shortcomings, she is quite amazing. I'm glad she continues to give me a chance so that I don't mess it up.

Life is super lame right now other than Cam, I have homework up to my eyeballs, and I keep trying to catch up, but I just fall further behind. I don't want to ruin this semester, as of right now, I have a B in my History class, probably a C in Soils, a D+ in my Humanities, an A- in my D&C class, and I am trying to understand what I am supposed to be doing for my senior project, but mostly, I just want this semester to be done, so that I can start my internship, and continue being with Cam as much as time will allow me to, but I better not mess up this semester, I want to graduate this Fall, or next Fall if I become a Hall Advisor. 

As of right now, I know my parents (or at least my dad) might not like this, but I want to be a Hall Advisor. Pretty much, a Hall Advisor is the Resident Assistants' boss. He or she makes sure that the things in his or her hall are running smoothly, and everything is in working order. It would pay for my housing, my food, and for me being a part time student; hence me graduating next Fall maybe. It is kind of my goal to be a Hall Advisor, mostly because I feel like it is what the Lord wants me to do, but it's so hard to know if that is really what it is. It might be because I don't want to graduate yet because I don't want to go out into the work force just yet, but I don't think that is the case here. I may want to just stick around Provo, though I don't really know why. What I honestly believe is that it is where the Lord wants me. 

I understand that I could be making more money somewhere else, if I were to graduate, and if I were to find a job as soon as I graduate, but I believe that will happen in due time, in the Lord's time, and if that is what he wants me to do, I will do it. It is just so hard because I really don't want to mess it up. I get one shot, one chance at this life, I'll mess up a lot, I know I will because I already have, but I want to do the best I can, and follow the plan God has for me. Something that I have learned in messing things up is that everything I choose to do has consequences and I have to suffer them, but God has a plan for me and as long as I try my best he'll guide me, so that I mess things up A LOT less.

I Don't Care

I love my life! I love it! There are very few things I would change about my life because I love the direction it is going. I love living in Provo, though lately I have been having problems with school, I still love being here. The people are amazing, and I love associating with everyone I meet on campus. Like I said, there is only one problem... SCHOOL!! It has become a nuisance. I have 18 credits left after this semester, and if I want to be a hall advisor, which I do, I have to either take classes in the spring or wait til after December to become one. Like I said the problem is school and right now

I Don't Care


about it! I am having troubles staying caught up in a couple of them. I rarely attend my Monday, Wednesday, Friday 9 o'clock History 201 class, I don't want to be up before noon any day of the week because the classes I am taking are so boring, but I have to be there. It makes me wonder how I will be as an employee, I hope I will be a way way way better employee than I am a student. If I'm not then I will probably be fired soon after I am hired. I feel like I'll be fine though. I love working and I do care about providing for a future family, so I'll be fine.

The reason I don't get up early is because lately I have been spending a lot of time with my girlfriend, Camberlea. She is super! I don't ever want to go home at night because I absolute love being with her! She and I have some amazing conversations, and, though she doesn't love it when I am super super goofy around her, I can always be myself and know she'll like me at the end of the day. She genuinely wants me to be happy! I want the same for her of course.

Something that happens a lot while we are deciding what we do, because we are together so often, is we ask each other what we want to do. Both of us will normally say, "I Don't Care, what do you want to do?" Sometimes when people say things like this they don't necessarily want to be around that person, so they say this. This is definitely not the case with us, but we never know what to do. We usually end up cuddling up and watching a movie because we are both so tired all the time from the lack of sleep we get because we are together so often. I don't know why we are together so late into the night, I leave her apartment at midnight, but I linger.

I find myself saying this statement a lot lately though. I feel like I say it whenever she is telling me to do something, but then she feels bad that she told me to do something. I then tell her I don't care that she tells me what to do, I like making her happy, but I do care that she tells me what to do, I care because I care for her, and I care that she is happy. So when I say I don't care I guess I am lying in a sense, but I don't care that she's telling me what to do for the same reasons because I care for her and I care that she is happy so I don't care that she "bosses" me around. She is amazing.

There are times I feel like everyone says I don't care, when they really really care. I am sure I have said it once or twice before, but normally people can tell I do care. Girls in general are really hard to read when they pull this line, I can hardly ever read between the lines to know if they really do care. Please, ladies, if you really do care, don't tell us men that you don't care because we take you at your word, and we will never know if you just said that to make us guess, or if you really me it.

Because I say this so much a lot of people think I am laid back. I am in most things I guess, but I really do care about a lot of things. I care for my friends, family, and pretty much anyone with whom I associate. I care for my life and how it is going. I care for my Heavenly Father, the Savior, the Holy Ghost and the influence they are in my life now. And the one I have cared the most about lately and probably will for a while is Cam, she's absolutely amazing and cares more about people than I do... not to brag about myself, but she is quite aware of others wants and feelings.

So I guess what I am trying to say is care, care for what drives you, care for those that love you, care for yourself, and whoever, whatever, and wherever you want to... I don't care :D.